What Matthew 18 Is Teaching Me About Forgiving Those Who Destroyed My Life my Career (form more than a decade took all of our money which was millions of dollars, left us homeless, and recently firebombed our home), destroyed My Family and my Families lives, and Nearly Killed My Daughter and Me in a firebombing.
Black Sheep Whistleblower
August 8, 2026
There comes a point in every person’s life where facts are no longer enough.
Evidence is no longer enough.
Being right is no longer enough.
Eventually, if we want to move forward, we have to deal with something much harder.
Forgiveness.
Ironically, after everything that has happened over the last decade of my life—being targeted, sued, investigated, harassed, threatened, separated from my family, surviving a firebombing, and living through years of what I believe have been profound injustices—I have come to realize that the biggest prison I have lived in wasn’t built by the people who hurt me.
It was built by my inability to let go.
That is an uncomfortable thing to admit.
Recently, while listening to Pastor Josh Howerton on the Shawn Ryan Show, something he said struck me deeply. The discussion eventually led to Matthew 18 and Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness. It forced me to ask a question I have been avoiding for years.
See link here if you want to watch it … its epic!!
How do I actually move on?
Not legally.
Not emotionally.
Spiritually.
Because those are three very different things.
Matthew 18 Isn’t About Pretending Nothing Happened
Many people misunderstand forgiveness.
They think forgiveness means pretending someone did nothing wrong.
It doesn’t.
Matthew 18 actually begins with Jesus explaining how we are supposed to deal with wrongdoing.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone…”
— Matthew 18:15
Notice what Jesus does not say.
He doesn’t say ignore it.
He doesn’t say enable it.
He doesn’t say lie about it.
He doesn’t say abandon justice.
He says confront the wrongdoing honestly.
Truth comes first.
Only after truth comes forgiveness.
That distinction matters.
Peter Asked the Same Question We All Ask
Later in the chapter Peter asks Jesus:
“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered:
“I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.”
(Some translations read seventy times seven.)
Jesus wasn’t giving Peter a calculator.
He was telling him that forgiveness isn’t something we eventually run out of.
It becomes a way of living.
That sounds beautiful.
Until you’re the one who has been hurt.
My Case
My own story has consumed years of my life.
I’ve written thousands of pages.
Collected documents.
Interviewed witnesses.
Filed complaints.
Researched corruption.
Asked difficult questions.
Published what I believe to be evidence that deserved public scrutiny.
Some people have thanked me.
Others have attacked me.
Relationships have been destroyed.
Careers have changed.
My home was firebombed.
My family has lived through trauma I never imagined possible.
If anyone asked whether I have reasons to be angry, the answer would probably be yes.
But then comes the much harder question.
What is that anger doing to me?
Because the people I believe wronged me may never apologize.
Some may never acknowledge what happened.
Some may never face consequences.
If my healing depends upon them changing…
…then they still control my life.
That realization is difficult.
Forgiveness Is Not Saying They Were Right
One of the biggest misconceptions about Christianity is that forgiveness somehow excuses evil.
It doesn’t.
The Bible is filled with accountability.
Justice matters.
Truth matters.
Repentance matters.
Forgiveness simply means I choose not to allow another person’s sin to continue imprisoning my own heart.
Justice belongs to God.
Courts deal with law.
Society deals with accountability.
But bitterness…
Bitterness belongs to me if I choose to keep carrying it.
Matthew 18 teaches that forgiven people become forgiving people because they recognize the immeasurable grace God has already shown them.
Here’s a short section you could insert near the end of the blog, just before the conclusion:
Justice and Forgiveness Are Not the Same Thing
One of the greatest misunderstandings in both society and the Church is the belief that justice and forgiveness are opposites. They are not.
Justice asks:
“What is right?”
“What happened?”
“Who is accountable?”
“How should this wrong be addressed?”
Justice seeks truth, accountability, protection for others, and restoration where possible. It recognizes that actions have consequences and that wrongdoing should not simply be ignored.
Forgiveness, however, asks a completely different question:
“Will I continue carrying this burden?”
Forgiveness does not erase the truth. It does not rewrite history. It does not excuse abuse, corruption, violence, betrayal, or deception. Nor does it require reconciliation where trust has been broken or where genuine repentance is absent.
Instead, forgiveness is the decision to release my personal claim to vengeance and entrust ultimate justice to God.
As the Apostle Paul writes:
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
— Romans 12:19
There is no contradiction between seeking justice and extending forgiveness.
A victim can report a crime and still forgive.
A whistleblower can expose corruption and still forgive.
A judge can sentence a criminal while personally harbouring no hatred toward them.
Justice protects society.
Forgiveness frees the soul.
One deals with what is owed under the law.
The other deals with what we choose to carry in our hearts.
As I reflect on my own journey, I believe God is teaching me that I can continue pursuing truth wherever it leads, while refusing to let bitterness define the remainder of my life.
Perhaps that is the balance Matthew 18 ultimately calls us to achieve.
Seek justice.
Speak the truth.
Hold people accountable.
But never allow your heart to become captive to the very evil you are trying to expose.
That is the difference.
Justice changes the world around us.
Forgiveness changes the world within us.
The Parable That Changes Everything
Jesus then tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant.
A servant owes the king an impossible debt.
The king forgives it completely.
Moments later that same servant finds someone who owes him a tiny amount by comparison.
Instead of extending mercy, he demands payment and throws the man into prison.
Jesus’ point is powerful.
Compared with the forgiveness God has shown each of us, every debt owed to us by another human being becomes small by comparison.
That doesn’t make our wounds insignificant.
It puts God’s grace into perspective.
So How Do I Move Forward?
I don’t think moving forward means stopping my search for truth.
It doesn’t mean abandoning legitimate legal processes.
It doesn’t mean pretending crimes never happened.
It doesn’t mean deleting my blog.
It doesn’t mean becoming silent.
Instead…
It means refusing to allow hatred to become my identity.
It means refusing to let bitterness write the ending of my story.
It means praying for people I never imagined I could pray for.
It means leaving final judgment where it belongs—with God.
It means waking up every day choosing freedom instead of resentment.
Some days I’ll succeed.
Some days I’ll probably fail.
But Matthew 18 reminds me that forgiveness isn’t primarily about the other person.
It’s about what God wants to do inside me.
My Prayer
As I write this, I realize this article is probably directed at myself more than anyone else.
Perhaps God has been trying to teach me something through every chapter of this journey.
Not that truth doesn’t matter.
It does.
Not that justice doesn’t matter.
It does.
But if I spend the rest of my life proving I was right while becoming consumed by bitterness…
Then I haven’t really won anything.
Matthew 18 offers a different path.
One that is incredibly difficult.
One that feels impossible.
Yet perhaps that is exactly why Jesus taught it.
Because forgiveness isn’t natural.
It’s supernatural.
And maybe…
Just maybe…
Forgiveness isn’t letting the people who hurt me off the hook.
It’s finally taking myself off the hook so I can move forward into whatever God still has planned for the rest of my life.
It is interesting that forgiveness was so important to Jesus that He taught it more than once. In Matthew 18, He tells the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, reminding us that because we have been forgiven an immeasurable debt by God, we are called to forgive those who owe us far smaller debts.
Then, when His disciples asked Him how they should pray, Jesus included forgiveness at the very centre of what we now call The Lord’s Prayer:
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
— Matthew 6:9–12
In many churches, this prayer is recited using the familiar words:
“…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…”
Although the wording differs between Bible translations and church traditions—some using debts, others trespasses, and still others sins—the meaning is the same. Jesus intentionally connected receiving God’s forgiveness with our willingness to extend forgiveness to others.
In fact, Jesus immediately reinforced this point after teaching the prayer:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
— Matthew 6:14–15
Those may be among the most challenging words Jesus ever spoke.
They remind me that forgiveness is not merely a feeling; it is an act of obedience. It is not about denying justice or pretending evil never happened. It is about refusing to let bitterness have the final word.
So today, my prayer is not simply that God would reveal the truth, bring justice where justice is due, and heal the wounds of the past.
My prayer is that He would also soften my own heart.
That He would teach me to forgive as I have been forgiven.
That He would help me release what I was never meant to carry.
And that, one day, when this chapter of my life is finally behind me, I will be remembered not only as someone who sought the truth…
…but as someone who also discovered the freedom that only forgiveness can bring.
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Perhaps those are not merely words we are meant to recite.
Perhaps they are words we are meant to live.
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